Both Sides, Now
by StaryTorch
Summary: Life can be so confusing. Especially life for Severus and Tonks. Experience a rare glimpse at both sides of the story. Title taken from the Joni Mitchell song Both Sides, Now. SS/NT. Rated M.


Both Sides, Now

-Side A-

Severus was hunched over his desk, his hook nose just mere centimeters above an old decrepit looking book. He eyes were searching the ingredient list with fervor.

"Ashwinder eggs. Check. Peppermint. Check……." He was making sure he had everything he needed to make the potion.

He sprang up from his desk and began collecting all the ingredients. He had been in deliberations with himself on whether to make it or not. It was not overly complicated, nor time consuming compared to other potions. The real question was would it be worth it? Is this really what he wanted? Was he willing to go to such lengths for this?

Of course this is what he wanted. He never realized wanting something like this could physically hurt. He decided not to make the strongest version there was. That would be much too noticeable. No, he had to keep it discreet. No one could know what was really going on. It couldn't be that abnormal could it? He thought it would ruin everything if someone were to question it.

Anticipation made his hands shake as he started the fire under his cauldron. He felt like a little kid doing something he knew he shouldn't. His glances at the locked door reminded him of his paranoia.

He added ingredients one by one stirring as the directions called for. He was much more careful with this one than he would have been normally. He was an adept potion maker but there was no room for error. It was now or never for this. The smell was marvelous. It wafted to his face and he sniffed with eagerness of things to come. The color was perfect. He knew he was good at what he did and smiled slyly to himself.

He found the perfect bottle to store it in. The green glass glistened in his hand. No one would ever know. After all he was going for inconspicuous here. After cleaning up the room he sent for his house elf.

"Take this note to her, no dawdling. Speak to no one else. This goes to her and no one else, do you understand?" He ordered.

"Yes, master." The house elf understood and with a crack was gone to find the recipient.

There was nothing left to do but wait. He paced his office with conviction on his face. He knew soon it would be time. All his planning had been set in motion. He put the bottle away, realizing he didn't want to seem too eager.

There was a knock at the door. His heart skipped a beat. This was it. It was time. All he had waited for was here.

"Enter." He said in his usual tone, though it was very hard.

Slowly the door slid open to reveal a mousy brunette. It's true she had seen better days, but that didn't matter to him. Her shapely legs stood planted firmly to the flagstone floor. Her slender arm was outstretched with her elegant hand still on the cold handle of the door. Her green eyes searched the room to find the sender of the summons. He stood at his desk, arms folded within his cloak waiting for her to enter.

"You sent for me Severus?" She asked with a bit of nervousness in her voice.

"Yes, come in." He extended an arm to an empty chair signaling for her to sit down. He watched her lean hips saunter across his office. He wondered if she walked that way on purpose. He liked to watch her walk. It was sexy in a graceful sort of way. She sat in the chair he offered and she looked at him expectantly, wondering why she was there.

"Would you care for a drink?" Before she could answer he had conjured two glasses along with his bottle from earlier and was pouring her a glass. He didn't want to give her a chance to say no.

She had never known him to be so pushy so she accepted the glass politely and put her lips to the rim. He watched her. He loved the way she moved. She pulled the glass from her rosy lips and looked back at Severus, waiting. He watched in awe as she put a slender finger to her lips to wipe away the excess drink. He looked at her expectantly, waiting for some change in her. When none came after a few seconds he decided to prompt a reaction.

"I have brought you here to discuss the matter at hand between us." He put an exaggerated emphasis on the word "us" hoping for a reaction.

"What do you mean by us?" She asked and put the glass to her lips once more.

He hadn't expected this. He wasn't prepared to have an actual conversation with her. Why wasn't that damned potion working? He shifted uncomfortably from behind his desk, wondering what he should do next. Suddenly it seemed like a realization came over her. Her eyes brightened, in fact so did all of her, including her hair. He watched as it became long, wavy and a fiery red hue. He loved her as a red head.

She slowly sat her glass on the corner of the desk. She gave him this fierce look from across the desk. Like she wanted to jump over the desk and ravage him. To his surprise this is exactly what she did. She climbed up on all fours on his desk, crawling over papers and quills, not caring about the mess she made.

She grabbed him roughly by the collar and pulled his face close to hers. They were millimeters from each other. He could feel her hot breath on his lips. She smelled so sweet, like fresh roses and cedar. She moved like she was going to kiss him and pulled away before their lips met. He never realized she was such a saucy minx.

She breathed in his ear and gave it a slight lick. He could feel his blood pressure rising. Still sitting on the desk she pushed him backwards in his seat and flung her legs around so her feet were on his arm rests. She pulled his chair close to her trapping him between her legs.

He couldn't help but look at her breasts. Her soft milky skin spoke to him. She noticed him notice her and unbuttoned her shirt a little more to reveal the outline of a green lace bra.

By this time he was wondering what he got himself in to. He didn't think this potion was capable of causing this reaction. He only wanted to help her along a little, give himself the upper hand now that he finally decided to ask her out. He wondered if he should stop it before it was too late.

"Nymphadora, maybe we should………" She made a slight face at being called by her first name, but she recovered quickly. He knew she hated it, but he loved the way it rolled off his tongue. He never got to finish his sentence because she quickly she cut him off.

"Your right. Not here," she said hastily. With that she pushed his chair back and leapt down from the desk. She grabbed him by the front of his robes and led him from the office. He was so flabbergasted by the situation he just followed her to his sleeping quarters.

He wasn't sure what to believe at this point. She pushed him inside and slammed the door behind them and locked it. He was elated and scared at the same time. This is not exactly what he wanted but he was not going to argue with it either.

She grabbed him roughly again and began to lead him to the bed. She pushed him down on to his green silk comforter and straddled him. She could feel the beginning of something down below. She let her hair fall in his face.

He was basking in her smell. It was the most wonderful thing he had ever smelled. It was an eerily familiar smell though. He tried to remember where he had smelled it before, but was torn from his train of thought by all the buttons on his coat becoming little projectiles flying all over the room when she tore it from his chest. The buttons ricocheted off the bed post, the window, even the wall and could be heard clattering to a rest on the floor. He had never been so turned on by such a beautiful creature in all of his life.

He slid his hands up her thighs, testing out the waters. He was wondering if this was all real, when she put her hands on his chest and he could feel the warmth from her touch contrasting with the cool air on his chest from her un-doing more buttons, he knew it was real. He moved his hands higher up her thighs, up her waist, up to where she had left her shirt unbuttoned from earlier and began un-doing more.

More and more of her splendid milky white skin was beginning to show. When he got the last button he slid his hands up her stomach, over her breasts and to her shoulders. He slid his hands under her shirt and slipped it off her. She gave a slight smile of approval.

She quickly became annoyed with the buttons on his shirt, she grabbed it by the collar and pulled it over his head and threw it on the floor. She slid her hands down his chest toward his belt and started to undo it. Uneasiness crept over him.

"Nymphadora, wait. Maybe this isn't such a good idea." He told her as he looked in to her bright green eyes. As much as he wanted her, to touch her, to kiss her, to make love to her he knew it wasn't right. He didn't want to have to trick her into something she didn't want to do. He cared for her too much. Who knew it was going to go this far?

She looked at him, very confused. Her demeanor changed very drastically. She no long looked so sure of herself. Her fiery red hair dulled again in to the mousy brown. If he wasn't mistaken he was sure that he saw sheer disappointment in her face. She climbed off the bed and put her shirt back on. He could tell that she was confused by the situation. She walked up to him and placed her finger tips on his cheek. He closed his eyes, leaned in to her hand and placed his hand over hers loving the feel of her touch. Slowly she pulled her hand away and walked quietly from the room. His eyes were still closed when he heard the click of the door.

--

-The B Side-

She knew, she could feel it in her bones. Soon it would happen. She had been waiting for it for so long. It just had to happen. No one knew why she had been the way she had lately. Her once bright hair had dulled and so had her demeanor.

The problem with being a metamorph was that your feelings really showed. Everyone asked her what was wrong. She just told them she was feeling a bit under the weather but that couldn't be further from the truth.

She wanted nothing more than attention from this man. She wanted him in all ways, shapes and forms. For some reason he ignored her when they were in the same room, he never returned her greetings; he seemed to act like she didn't even exist. She didn't know why he wasn't interested.

Lost in her thoughts she was surprised to find a house elf tugging on the hem of her shirt.

"This is for you miss. I was told to give this to you," said the house elf. She took the note from his hand and with a crack he was gone. She stared at it for a moment confused by who it was from. She turned it over in her hands looking for some writing, but none was to be found. "Who could this be from?" she thought. But no sooner did she think it, then small cramped hand writing began to form her name on the front of the folded paper.

She stared in shock as the letters began to form one by one…N..y..m..p..h..a. The name never fully formed because she tore the note open, ripping it in half in her haste. No one called her by her first name, no one except one person.

She stuck the pieces back together and read the small script meant just for her. There were only a few words and she was disappointed, until she read them. It said was 'Meet me in 10 minutes. My office.' She didn't have to ask who it was from.

Everyone stared at the spot where she was standing a moment before because she disappeared from the room as fast as her limbs would take her. Surprisingly she only fell once on her way down to the dungeon, the bad part was it was down a set of stairs. She recovered quickly and strode down the hall like nothing happened looking around to make sure no one saw her moment of weightlessness. She slowed to a walk to gain her composure.

"Calm Tonks, you don't know what this is about. He probably wants to tell you something about the Order. This could be nothing. Don't get your hopes up; you will only get your heart broken."

When she brought herself back down to earth she rapped lightly on his door. She heard his intense voice tell her to enter. Could any sound be any more perfect? It sent a shiver down her spine and she paused awkwardly in the door way.

She searched the room with her eyes and found him at his desk. "You sent for me?" she asked trying her best not to sound excited. He motioned for her to sit down and before she could refuse he was pouring her a drink. She was taken aback by his eagerness. She put her lips to the glass and pretended to drink. Hanging with Moody can take a toll. She dribbled a little on her lips and quickly wiped it away hoping he didn't see that. The conversation took a turn that she didn't quite expect. What was all this talk about an 'us'? As she put the glass to her lips once more she caught a whiff of the concoction. It then dawned on her what he was trying to do. How cute. He was using a love potion on her. She's an Auror; did he think she wouldn't notice?

She wondered for a spilt second why he would go to such trouble to talk to her. It didn't take her long to figure it out. He really did like her. Her dreams were coming true. She could see the look on his face when her hair turned a fiery red hue. She couldn't help it, the excitement just came over her. It didn't turn red for anyone else but him. She did her best to saunter up to his desk. What other chance was she going to have to fulfill this fantasy?

She crawled up on to his desk on all fours. She accidentally knocked over everything on the way to him, she went to kiss him and mere millimeters from his lips her hand slipped on a quill and she about fell. She let out a quick breath of relief that she didn't fall on her face. Trying to recover she took a nibble on his ear. She straddled him at his desk; she was having fun with this. She saw him take a glance down her shirt. She unbuttoned it a little more to give him something to look at.

Suddenly he said, "Nymphadora, maybe we should………" She interrupted him very quickly. "Your right. Not here." She knew exactly what he was thinking. They should definitely move this to the bed room, just in case. She couldn't believe the way this was going, honestly she couldn't believe her audacity to take charge, but as long as it was happening she was going with it. She couldn't wait it get those buttons off of him.

She threw him down on the silk green comforter. She was surprised by what she found when she crawled on top of him. Her knee slipped on the silk and she fell forward, her hair falling in her face. She hoped he didn't notice that little slip. She had wanted to do this since she had met him; she grabbed his jacket and just ripped. The buttons flew all over the room in all directions. It was the coolest thing she had ever seen, and the sexiest knowing whose buttons they were. She felt his hands explore her thighs. It sent shivers up her spine as he ran his hands up her body and began undoing her shirt. She had never been so turned on in her entire life.

She fumbled with the buttons on his shirt. Finally she became impatient and grabbed it by the collar and pulled it off. His body was spectacular. His exquisite chest heaved under her touch. She slowly ran her hands down his chest toward his belt.

The anticipation was almost unbearable. Just before she had a chance to completely undo his belt he grabbed her hands and said, "Nymphadora, wait. Maybe this isn't such as good idea." She didn't know what to do. His mouth told her one thing but his eyes were screaming another, she was so confused.

She could feel her confidence draining from her. She knew her hair was changing as well as her demeanor. She wanted nothing but him, why was it so hard to understand. She rose and put her shirt back on. She could feel his eyes on her trying to convey to her what he really felt. She placed her hand on his cheek just trying to savor the moment. She watched as he closed his eyes enjoying her touch. It made her sad to see him like this, but she knew exactly how he felt….torn. She walked quietly from the room and let the door close behind her. She knew this was her one chance. Why couldn't she just have what she wanted?

--

-Finale-

Severus sat on the bed cursing himself. Why couldn't he just have what he wanted? What was wrong with him, his dream, and his perfect fantasy was just on top of him ready and willing to make his dreams come true. For some reason he hadn't been able to take advantage of her like that.

He didn't think the potion would react so strongly. He cared for her too much and that was much scarier than anything else he had ever encountered. Care, such a light word for what was coursing through his veins at that moment, but he wasn't ready to admit that.

--

Tonks stood outside his door going over what had just happened. Damn it why couldn't he see that she loved him? What more did he want? She gathered her composure, fighting back the tears of disappointment. She had the chance, she was almost there but it was taken from her. Was she really going to let his happen? It seemed like it would be so easy to just walk away, but she knew she couldn't.

She thought about his office and the realization came over her. What a silly man. Did he really think it would be that easy? She understood now the look in his eyes. How could they both be so naïve?

She didn't even knock.

Severus was startled when his door flung open revealing her eyeing him. She smirked, mostly to herself. He wasn't sure what to do. He watched her walk over to him and stand before him. She could tell that he was very confused.

"Tonks, I thin…." was as far as he got before she planted her lips firmly on his. She wound her hands in his silky black hair and gave it a little tug. He resisted for a split second before he let himself have what he wanted. He wrapped his hands around her waist and pulled her in to his lap. They kissed for what must have been an eternity. It was something both of them had wanted for so long.

Finally Tonks broke away and took his face in her hands. His eyes were so guilty. He couldn't help what he just did. He never meant to take advantage of her but in his moment of weakness he let himself. "I'm so sorry. I didn't think it would be like this. I never meant to take advan…" He stammered quickly.

"I didn't actually drink the potion. " She told him quickly before he said anymore. "All you ever had to do was say the word Severus, and I was yours until the end of time. I have always loved you."

He looked shocked for a moment. She could see the gears turning in his head, replaying all the situations. He placed his hands on hers and took them from his face. Slowly he placed them on their lap, he looked down at them. He wasn't sure what had just happened. His thoughts raced. She waited patiently, sitting on his lap watching his face. It took him longer than it should to come to the final conclusion.

"You didn't? But, that means you want……" He trailed off.

She could tell that he wanted to say something else, but didn't quite have the words to say it. Finally he looked in her eyes; she searched his dark pools hoping to hear what she wanted. Just one syllable escaped his lips.

"Word." He told her and continued to look in to her eyes. She looked at him expectantly for a moment waiting for the rest of the sentence.

He watched as her hair became a fiery red and her green eyes sparkled at him. "It's a start." She told him with a wide smile and tenderly kissed him again.


End file.
